


Slight Miscalculation

by QueenOfTheWesternSky



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU-Sburb, And deals with it in weird ways, Gen, everyone dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-23
Updated: 2012-10-23
Packaged: 2017-11-16 21:20:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/543926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfTheWesternSky/pseuds/QueenOfTheWesternSky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I think I made a slight miscalculation."<br/>As if that isn't the understatement of the fucking century.</p><p>In which Dirk's too calm about being dead, Roxy's even more calm about it (And a little tipsy), Jake doesn't know what's happening and Jane simply will not calm down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Slight Miscalculation

“I think I made a slight miscalculation.”

As if that wasn’t the understatement of the fucking century. Dirk Strider was painfully aware of how huge a miscalculation this had been, mainly because of the needle he was using to sew himself back together. It had seemed like the only logical thing to do, it wasn’t like he could be carrying his head around. No, that would just be annoying. So he’d set to work reattaching it in the only way he really knew how: sewing.

“Slight?” A voice snorted from beside him. “Suuuure, whatever you say totally-headless-Dirk.”

Roxy Lalonde was probably handling her death a little too well. Probably even better than Dirk was handling his own, and he was handling it in the same manner he handled everything: calm and collected. She’d accepted that she was dead, that there was a rather sizable hole in her stomach and had since wrapped her scarf around the area in an attempt to help their other friends be not as distressed (Though not before stashing a flask of vodka inside).

In fact, the second she’d wrapped herself up, she’d promptly started sipping at a martini and looking over at them with her now white eyes (They’d been pink once, Dirk remembered) as if what had just occurred was perfectly common place. 

“How are you being so calm about this?! Roxy, there is a hole in your stomach! And there’s a hole in my chest, and oh my good lord, Dirk, must you do that? I think I might be sick.” Jane Crocker on the other hand was not handling her death at all. In fact she’d done nothing but scream and squeal and generally panic about it since it happened, which was probably how all of them should be reacting. But at this point, very little could surprise Dirk. Or Roxy for that matter. 

“Well, Jane, unless you want me to carry around my head, yes I do need to do this. I’m almost done anyway.” He replied, making the final few stitches before tying the thread into a neat, firm knot. 

“Dirk, I don’t think that’s how your head is meant to go…” Jake English seemed to be more confused than anything else. Confused in the sense that he would not stop rambling and muttering to himself about just about everything as if the entire world had been flipped on its head. Which it had. “Pardon me, Roxy, but I’m quite positive that you are not meant to keep drinks in there. Good gosh, my head hurts. Do I have a bump?” He in turn lifted the small bundle of cloth from his head to reveal a rather bloody wound, one that had cracked his skull in a most unfortunate way.

“Well, Jakey, what else do you want me to do? There’s space, I might as well use it for something.” The girl replied, waving her hands about in wild gestures and spilling a lot of her drink in the process. “And I wouldn’t really call it a bump…”

“Jake, there’s a chunk missing from your skull, you might want to do something about that.” Dirk butted in bluntly.

“That’s not right…can’t be. If there was, well I wouldn’t be here. Perhaps I’m concussed…or maybe all of you are concussed…great scott, maybe we all are!”

“…You know what? I need another drink, anyone want some?” 

“Me.” Jane squeaked in an all too hurried manner, then promptly screamed as her friend undid the scarf covering her middle and pulled out of a flask from what was once part of her insides. “On second thought, I’m fine.”

“Can’t hurt any…” Dirk muttered, taking a swig from the flask and shaking his head. “I can’t understand where the calculations went wrong. Logically, this should have worked.”  
“Did you take into account all possible factors?” Roxy prompted. “You know, like Jake not surviving that fall?”

“That might have been it…”

Jane just looked back and forth between the three of her best friends, one with a portion of his skull missing, another with a hole through her stomach and the final who had just reattached his head. 

“HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY BE SO CALM ABOUT THIS?!”

“Jane, could you quiet down? I have a bit of a headache…I think I might be concussed.”

**Author's Note:**

> While scrolling through tumblr, I spotted a gif set which featured an undead Dirk cosplayer with the quote "I made a slight miscalculation." And everything escalated from there.


End file.
